for today..its jokes!

101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..." 5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. < 7. Speak only in a "robot" voice. 8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. 9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub". 10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies. 11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 12. Sniffle incessantly. 13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. 14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." 17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training." 18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace". 19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot." 20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol. 21. Practice making fax and modem noises. 22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss. 23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. 25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person." 26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy." 27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. 28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. 29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. 31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice. 32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." 34. Drum on every available surface. 35. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates. 37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings. 38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks. 39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places. 40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. 41. Set alarms for random times. 42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. 43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving. 44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. 45. Honk and wave to strangers. 46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange. 47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. 48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies. 49. Wear your pants backwards. 50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. 51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!" 52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. 53. only type in lowercase. 54. dont use any punctuation either 55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 56. Pay for your dinner with pennies. 57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. 58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question. 59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps. 60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories. 61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now." 62. Light road flares on a birthday cake. 63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. 64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency. 65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador." 66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. 67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. 68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One." 69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. 71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. 72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. 73. Drive half a block. 74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. 75. Ask people what gender they are. 76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back. 77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl. 78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes". 79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. 80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet. 81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. 82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. 83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a." 84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed. 86. Wear a LOT of cologne. 87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing." 88. Sing along at the opera. 89. Mow your lawn with scissors. 90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!" 91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend." 92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." 94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture." 95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. 96. Never make eye contact. 97. Never break eye contact. 98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn. 99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results. 100. Make appointments for the 31st of September. 101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

blah blah!

hey guys...not much to speak about school today...so i'm gonna go straight to the story...dont worry there'll be loadzz about school tommorow..TRUST ME!!...so yea the story today is about a saint named Tulsidas ....

Dying to the Shabad

Tulsee Das was a Saint. When he was young he was devoted to reaching God and he struggled slowly on this path. When he got married he was head over heels in love with his beautiful wife, she became the sole reason for his living, everything he did was to please her. One day he surprised her with a gift - she was overwhelmed by his love and said, 'If you were devoted to God half as much as you are to me, I'm sure you would have reached God by now.' The words struck Tulsee Das to the core and his earlier life of devotion came flooding back to his mind, from that day on God became his sole focus once again.

Many years later when Tulsee Das was old and wise and respected by all in the village as a saint, a Brahmin priest came to him. He said to Tulsee Das, 'All my life I've preached and read the scriptures, but I haven't met my Beloved Ram. Tell me what I should do?'. Tulsee Das said, 'It's very simple, all you have to do is climb that tall tree and jump off the branch with full faith that Ram will catch you.'

The Brahmin was inspired and climbed the tree, he sat on the branch and looked down at the hard ground below. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't make the leap. Many hours passed and the Village HeadMan (SarPanch) walked by with a bag of money. Noticing the Brahmin he enquired as to what he was doing. The Brahmin explained that Tulsee Das had said that by jumping off the tree Ram would catch him. The SarPanch who wasn't a religious man quickly said, 'O Brahmin, if you like you may have this bag of money, but give me Tulsee Das's blessing in exchange.'

The Brahmin didn't take too long to think about the offer and was soon off on his way with the bag of money. The SarPanch climbed the tree went across the branch and with full faith in Ram he jumped off. Ram caught him like a baby in its mother's arms.

Sounds too unbelievable to be true? But look for the deeper meaning, there's a very, very important spiritual point to this story. I am like the Brahmin, I do my nitnem prayers and preach to people. I do Waheguru Waheguru meditation and I follow the bits of the Guru's Shabad that I like and ignore the bits that are difficult to apply. I follow half of the Hukam, God's Order, and my life trickles away like this then I wonder why I haven't met Waheguru ji. When my brother comes to me with a great business opportunity my focus becomes how I can make lots and lots of money and in the background I rush my nitnem and Waheguru Waheguru meditation. My life trickles away like this and I wonder why I haven't met Waheguru ji.

But one day with Guru Ji's great kirpa, I hear the story of Tulsee Das. Now I realise I am like the Brahmin, I have lots of things to live for and I am scared of dying. Guru Nanak Ji says 'I have no anxiety about dying, and no hope of living.' (p20). Why is Guru Nanak Ji so brave? Because he has full faith that Waheguru ji is looking after him 'SIREE RAAG, FIRST MEHL: I have no anxiety about dying, and no hope of living. You are the Cherisher of all beings; You keep the account of our breaths and morsels of food. You abide within the Gurmukh. As it pleases You, You decide our allotment. || 1 ||' (p20).

So in my ardas, 'Guru Granth Sahib Jee you have given your blessing like Tulsee Das gave to the Brahmin. Give me full faith in your Gurbanee Words like the SarPanch had full faith in what Tulsee Das said. Baba Ji may I follow your words 100% and if it kills me then I have faith Waheguru ji You yourself will catch me.'

And dear Khalsa Ji, when you die while alive and are caught by Waheguru ji then you will be called Jeevan Mukhat. While still alive you have obtained liberation. By dying to the Shabad one finds the True Life held in the arms of Waheguru ji.

hello!!

hmmm...sorry i didnt post anyhting yeasterday...was too bz studying(nahh ma connection was flooked!)
so anyways we had our exams today...and my god were they easy..pheww!...so yea we had fun makign fun of d teachers...throwing papers arnd...shouting out answers...it was really like a fish market there...so..yea..thats a brief story on wat happened..now our article for today is gonna be one of the people that inspired me in life....read and be amazed!!.. =)

Bhai Rajinder Singh Dudley Waley

Childhood He was born in 1952, the village Poonia, District Nawan Shaher,  Punjab. His father Sardar Gulzar Singh and mother Bibi Surjeet Kaur were both Amrithdhari gursikhs. Bibi Surjeet Kaur’s father Sardar Makand Singh had fought in Free India movement and played an integral part in the ‘Babbar Akali Dal’ movement before Independence. As a condition of his daughter’s marriage he insisted that the boy must be Amritdhari and that is how Sikhi came into the family. From an early age Bhai Sahib was engrossed and attracted to the spiritual life and enjoyed doing seva (sweeping shoes) at the local gurdwara and being amongst nature and animals.      Move to the United Kingdom Bhai Sahib was 15 years old when he moved to the United Kingdom, his father and brothers lived in Dudley (West Midlands, UK). He studied science at the Dudley College of Technology and later he went on to complete bachelors degree in metallurgical science at Sheffield University. He would regularly join with his father and visit the Smethwick High Street Gurdwara. In the early 1970’s there were very few gursikhs in Birmingham area and they would travel by bus to reach the gurdwara as many families did not own cars during those early days. Amrit   During that time when Bhai Sahib was  approximately 19-20 years he  approached one of the (Naam rasiya) Gursikh “when should a sikh take Amrit?, for which that gursikh replied: “Pavan Aramb Satgur Mat Vela” – meaning that as soon as the body has breath,  you should think  about the guru.  Bhai Sahib was so moved  by  this gursikh’s bachan that during  the Akhand  Kirtani Jatha Rehnsbahi  at Smethwick  High Street Gurdwara  he took amrit, along  with his younger  brother Bhai Ajaib Singh, Bhai  Kuldeep Singh and his sister Bibi Kirpal  Kaur and brother in-law Bhai Surjeet Singh.   Jathedar of Akhand Kirtani Jatha (1978 to 1984) Bhai Sahib became blessed with the naam ras and kirtain from that time onwards. In 1978 he was appointed the Jathedaar of Akhand Kirtani Jatha (U.K.) and served in this role until 1984. During this time Bhai Sahib played an active role in kirtain parchaar in the UK and Europe. He was self taught kirtani and had a sweet and melodious voice, he was softly spoken and touched many lives. As there were very few gurdwara’s at that time Bhai Shib would organise regular rehnsbahi kirtain and amrit sanchaar’s at his home residence. Family                                                                                           Bhai Sahib was married to Bibi Balbir Kaur in 1973, at Barking Gurdwara, London. He has three children, his eldest daughter Bibi Jatinder Kaur, who is married to Bhai Ramjet Singh (Brisbane, Australia), his second daughter Bibi Daljit Kaur, who is married to Bhai Jaspal Singh (son of Bhai Onkar Singh, Leicester) and his son Bhai Kulwant Singh who is married to Bibi Gursunder Kaur (from Italy).   Chaldha Vaheer Jatha Seeing the footage and carnage from the 1984 attack on the Akaal Takht, Bhai Sahib made a conscious decision which compelled him towards undertaking Sikhi parchaar (tatt gurmat parchaar). Particularly, he was conscious that the Indian government would do whatever it could to exterminate Sikhs, the only option to counter that attack was to create more Sikhs who lived in the western countries (outside of Punjab). At this point he established ‘Chaldha Vaheer Jatha’ with its key mission to undertake International Sikh missionary work. At this Bhai Sahib resigned from his employment and self funded all of the travels and expenses with parchaar. He spread the word of Sikhism through Kirtain, parchaar, countless amrit sanchar's and youth gurmat camps. During the 20 years of seva Bhai Sahib was a Pioneer Sikh Parcharaks (Missionary) who travelled to many countries including: Europe (Holland, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, France, Belgium, Luxemburg, Ireland, Italy, Spain). Bhai Sahib resided in Amsterdam, Holland from 1980 to 1982 and assisted the sikhs there to establish the first gurdwara in Holland. In 1986, Bhai Sahib undertook his first world tour with a small jatha including the late Bhai Rama Singh (who was very close to Bhai Sahib), Bhai Prithipal Singh, Bhai Hardiyal Singh and Bhai Shabeg Singh (Sydney). The world tour included: Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, Malaysia and Singapore. Bhai Sahib was the first parcharak to have ever travelled to these countries, as a consequence many sikhs took amrit during that time. From 1986 to his last days in 2000, Bhai Sahib travelled around the world including the following countries as well: USA, Canada, Kenya, Philippines, Indonesia, Bangkok, Thailand, Pakistan and Bangladesh. His parchaar included gurmat camps for children and youth as he believed it was critical to ensure that the next generation remained in Sikhi saroop and hold strong Sikh identity. In November 1994, Bhai Sahib travelled to Nankana Sahib (Pakistan) for the first time and so moved at being at the birthplace of Guru Nanak Dev Ji, that he continued to visit each year until 2000. Bhai Sahib from his daswand would take gurmat parchaar material for the Sikhs living in Nankana Sahib, who lived in harsh poverty (e.g. clothes, gutka (in Urdu), keratin audio, books). They loved Bhai Sahib dearly as he would converse with them and explain to them about Guru Nanak Dev ji’s and how to be a sikh. Bhai Sahib established the ‘Guru Nanak Model School’ for the Sikh children of Nankana Sahib, this school provides Sikh children (approximately 100 Sikh families reside at Nankana Sahib) to learn about Gurbani, Gurmat, Kirtain, Tabla and Sikh History. He enjoyed listening to the children recite gurbani when he visited each year. Final Journey :10 November 2000 Bhai Sahib always remained humble. He was very close to all gursikhs and did not engage in petty politics of jatha-banday, he maintained that respect and love for gursikhs regardless of which maryada they followed. During the days leading up to him leaving the UK for his annual yatra to Pakistan, Bhai Sahib requested for his family to meet him. He had also phoned gursikhs indicating that this was his “akree fateh”. His health deteriorated while he was on the yatra at Nanakana Sahib and Bhai Sahib insisted that he wanted to return to his home village (Poonia). However, his health became worse, Bibi Balbir Kaur took him to Jallandhar Hospital, and he suffered a heart attack at the Jalandhar hospital. Bhai Sahib had always desired to be cremated the ‘proper’ way and this was maintained by many gursikhs (Bhai Talwara Singh, Bhai Mehar Singh, Bhai Ram Singh, Bhai Jasbir Singh Rode) arriving for the antam sanskar. The former Akaal Takt Jathedar Joginder Singh Vedanti performed the Antam Ardaas. Bhai Sahib’s contribution to the Sikh Panth was given the highest honour in April 2004, by being the first non-resident of Indian to have his portrait installed at the Ajayab Ghar Sikh National Museum in Amritsar. The former Akaal Takt Jathedar Joginder Singh Vedanti and the former head granthi and now current Akaal Takh Jathedaar Bhai Gurbachan Singh performed the ardaas and unveiling of Bhai Sahib’s portrait.

Bhai Navreet Singh - Chopai Sahib

tired =(

helooo!!...juz came bak from gurdwara(sikh place of worship)..it was bloody tiring since it was youth programme and there were NO youths at all...so i had to make sure everything was okay...well it was a terrific success and the jatha from chille's were amazing...i shall be adding them on facebook soon..plus my bestfriend showed up ot of a sudden and we had an awesome time..hehe..and now i'm bak home with a refreshing cup of tea writing...anyways today's article on sikhee will be about maya(mammon)..so read and me amazed!!

Maya Kills

A racoon is a very greedy but clever animal he is an opportunist. whenever
he sees a chance to eat be it garbage or a fish, frog, dead animal he will
eat it. he works only at night and hunts a scavenges food. he is attracted
to shiny objects like coins and such.

so this is the how he is killed by hunters in olden times (in america). the
hunter knows of the racoons attraction to shiny objects and so he takes such
a thing and places it in a hole that he sizes himself in a tree stump along
a river bank where the racoons are most likely to come at night. he secures
the shiny thing by putting a nail through it and the wood. the hole in the
tree is made such that when the racoon puts his open hand to grab the coin
it will fit in the hole, but when he closes his fist and graps it he will
not be able to pull his hand out (becasuse his fist will make his hand too
big to pull out of the hole). when night falls, the racoon comes out he
hunts and does his nightly business. upon seeing the shiny object in the
tree stump he attepts to take it to his home and keep it. but to his suprise
it will not budge from the tree and he will have to open his hand, thus
letting go of his precious coin which is not what he wants to do. so he will
spend his whole time trying to get the shiny object from the tree. in a
while the hunter will come to check this trap (he has several of these along
the riverbank) and he will see the one with the racoon trying to take the
shiny object.

as the hunter apporaches the racoon it becomes impatient and tries to pull
harder and faster to get the coin out. it snarls and growls at the hunter
and tries to bite him but the whole time never lets go of the coin or opens
his hand to make it so it will come out of the hole. so the hunter who wants
to trap the racoon for its fur (this is his job) and sell it wants the fur
to have as little damage to it as possible. so instead of shooting the
racoon he takes the blunt side of his axe and repeatedly hit the racoon in
the head until it dies. keep in mind the racoon had a great chance to escape
the whole time by letting go of the coin which would have made his hand
small enough to pull out of the hole. thus the racoon is killed and stripped
of its precious fur which will bring the hunter good money.


what does this have to do with sikhi ?

the racoon is man, he is greedy and jumps at all chances to pleasure
himself, the racoon working at night is man trying to conceal his evil ways
and habits and thinking he is free from actions if no one sees him. the
shiny coin that is secured in the tree stump is maya. the tree stump is the
world. maya is in the world and seems attractive to us. but like the coin it
is secured to the world and will not go with us no matter how much we may
pull on it. the raccoons hand is our mind when there is no maya in it the it
is thin and can easily escape the world. however when we fill it with maya
(the coin) it becomes fat, polluted and too big to take out of the tree hole
world i.e (the racoons inability to remove his hand from the tree hole once
it has made a fist). and the hunter is jamdhoot who comes with a club to
strike the man and take him to hell. the man (racoon) is in so much love
with the maya (coin) he is unable to part from it even when death (the
hunter) is closing in on it. he will cry and make noise and do everything
just like the racoon but he will not let go. the priceless fur of the racoon
is mans good deeds and great opportunity to make something of this human
life (meet Waheguroo).

and it is all lost for what? because he would not let maya go

naanak aakhai raahi pai chalanaa maal dhhan kith koo sa(n)jiaahee ||4||27||

Says Nanak, you will have to walk on the Path of Death, so why do you bother
to collect wealth and property?

m bak!!

so readers...here's the new decision..my blog is gonna be abt me(obviously!) and also abt ma religion....its called sikhism...so yea fun articles and story yet to come...ENJOY!!

the greatness of my guru.....learn people learn

Guru Gobind Singh and The Donkey

One day, Guru Gobind Singh was walking through the city of Anandpur. Suddenly, the air was shattered by the long, exhausted braying of the donkey that belonged to the vegetable stall-holder in the market. Burdened down by its heavy load, thirsting for water in the mid-day heat, the donkey was wailing its hardship. But the locals were used to it. They heard it everyday. They mocked and laughed at the stupid donkey.
But the Guru felt pity for the animal. 'If that were the roar of a tiger, they would not laugh' he thought. The thought put an idea in his head. At home he had the gift of a tiger skin, given him months ago. He had some friends bring the donkey to him. He led the animal home, fed and watered it, then gently laid the tiger's skin along its back. Back to the village he led it and let it roam free.
The donkey was amazed. Everywhere he went, now, a path was cleared for him. Women and children, rushed from him screaming; the men cowered in corners. Even the other animals kept their distance, jumping out of the way in fear. Soon, the donkey was alone in the market. Even his master ran when he saw him, but he left those lovely piles of apples and carrots. Soon the donkey was having the feast of a lifetime. It was hard to understand because until today, he was beaten if he so much as sniffed at the fruit and vegetables.
But the city was terrified. They had to be rid of the dangerous tiger wandering round the market. No-one was safe. They must drive it back to the forest. The problem was to find a way and a meeting was called to solve the problem. At the meeting, the Guru had an idea. He would frighten the tiger and they could drive it before them, back into the forest. So it was agreed.
Soon the drum beats echoed round the market place bewildering the poor donkey. This way and that it turned, then beat a retreat as far into the forest as it could, anywhere away from the noise. His whole body shivered in a panic. He gave voice to his fear in a loud, quivering bray. The hunters stopped. They could not believe their ears. 'But that is no tiger.' they shouted to one another. 'Surely, that is only the vegetable donkey from the market.' Slowly they approached. In a clearing, the donkey stood staring at them nervously, the skin of a tiger hanging caught on the branch of a shrub.
Slowly, the Guru soothed the frightened animal, smoothing its head and ears with his hand. 'Remember, the vegetable donkey' he told the people. 'He wore the skin of a tiger, but he had only the spirit and actions of a donkey.'